Wednesday, June 23, 2021

June 23, 2021 Dragonfly

 

June 23, 2021 Wednesday

Journal Entry by Heather Ruments — June 23, 2021

 I miss you all, I feel like you all are my free therapy and I am so thankful. Steve update: He is fully free in a way we cannot comprehend or know till we are secured in Jesus and graduate with Him into Heaven.

  I think of the story of the dragon fly. As nymphs they are under the muddy squish in ponds swimming and burrowing with their friends and feasting on whatever is down there that I really don't want to know about. One day, they get a look in their eyes and start climbing a stalk towards the surface. Their friends and loved ones call out trying to get them to come back because they know that once they get to the surface, they never come back again, but they are compelled and cannot stop climbing. What the muddy dwellers (us) don't realize is that once they break through the surface, they sprout wings and can fly, see colors like they have never seen, breathe the sweet unspoiled air and are free of all the mud filth and slime! Once free, they want to let their loved ones know that it is better up above, it is sweeter, it is unimaginable! But, they can't go back under the water. They alight on things floating on the surface as if to watch their beloveds and show them how good life is for them now and to not be afraid.  

 In Psalm 139:16 it says: "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  In Psalm 144:4 "Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow."  In Job 14:1-2, 5  “Man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble. 2 He comes out like a flower and withers; he flees like a shadow and continues not. Since his days are determined, and the number of his months is with you, and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass."  He says clearly that our days are appointed, from before we were formed in our mother's womb, He chose where and when to place us. My wise friend said to me; "that it isn't our end day, it is like we have a certificate, a pass, a ticket for the START of our days." Wow, we are waiting for the day to come to START! We have limited days to do the work that The Lord has purposed us for and in that, the blessings of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and ability to endure in Him, the Fruit of The Spirit flow forth. (Galatians 5:22-23) We are looking to life Eternal, without sin, fear, pain, loss, trauma, tears, sadness. I am sure looking forward to those things and I want you all with me.

 I called the hospital yesterday to thank Dr. Lee, who was off through Steve's final days, to thank her for all she did for Steve and our family, for pouring in so much more than medical knowledge, both she and Dr. Mendiguren. She said that she talked to Dr. Mendi before his long deserved few days off, he walked her through all that happened with Steve and told her that when he came into the room and we told him that we told Steve that it was OK to go, he didn't have to suffer any more, that it was like providence. The man (Steve), who was hit (in Dr. Mendi's words) in Biblical proportion by Covid, who had endured so much to try to stay with us, graduated to his eternal home in seemingly a blink. Every single number on the monitor went down at the same time within 20 min or so, with us all hugging him. There was a group of precious prayer warriors outside his window by the helicopter pad praying and singing worship songs ushering him in peace to the arms of his Savior. What a blessed sight. One even send me a video of them singing and I played it in the room where we all sung together after Steve had passed. The nurses came in, all crying, to hug us and love on us. Such a pouring out they did, all in hopeful expectation of Steve's rising up like Lazarus, all feeling the peace and presence in the room even when we did not get the healing and rising up of Steve here on this earth that we so desperately wanted. 

  In Ecclesiastes 3 I find the famous verses "A Time for Everything"

A Time for Everything
1For everything there is a season, and time for every matter under heaven:
2a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
 
   In Verse 4 it says a time to weep. I wept for every day that Steve missed and the things that he missed. I did not grieve, it wasn't time to grieve, it was time to love, gather stones(of remembrance of God's faithfulness), embracing, seeking, sewing us together and warring together in prayer. It wasn't time to grieve. Steve's life was still ongoing and through that life, The Lord was doing great works in bringing us together. Many are struggling deeply. My heart aches for that physical struggle. The missing him, his laugh, hugs, big love, super sarcasm, twinkle in his eye and mischievous laugh, Godly wisdom and love of his Jesus. He loved and felt deeply each of you. Any time there was a struggle or prayer request. he would drop everything and go straight to Jesus for that person. I saw it time and again. He never put it off. 
 
 Some are struggling with the "fairness". I would say that this world is a broken world, it is ruled by the principalities and authorities of this world(the enemy). This isn't heaven and the rain falls on believers and unbelievers both. Please friends, don't get stuck in "unfair", this is also like grieving twice, grieving out of season when it isn't time yet. If Steve impacted you in some way, carry that forward. If the words from the Caring Bridge impacted you, carry them forward, they aren't mine, they are The Lord's and I pray that I didn't sully them too much with my humanness. There will be anger, give it to Jesus, tell him about it. There will be numbness, give it to Jesus. There may be blame (covid/healthcare...), give it to Jesus and trust in His ways. There may be shoulda, woulda, coulda's with Steve. Take heart, Steve knows everything you wanted to do with him, everything you wanted to say to him and everything you felt. He knows, it was all revealed to him as he ran to Jesus' arms.  
 
  Now is the time for mourning and grieving, but it is also a time for remembering great stories, sharing experiences, and the joyful knowing of Steve's freedom and that our life is also fleeting and soon and very soon we will also be grabbing that graduation ticket and go to our real home together forever. I can't even imagine no strife, pain, or sin. It is coming. I pray that each of you will be joining us, trusting Jesus, asking Him into your heart, bringing all your past and current sins to Him to wash clean, to adopt you and help you walk forward in your true identity as a child of God and your purpose here on this earth till He calls you home. 
 
 Please continue to lift up Dr. Lee and Dr. Mendiguren and all the nurses, techs, therapists in the ICU. They have a tough mission field. They do the hard work of keeping people alive (planting seeds), but patients are usually sent somewhere else to heal or pass away. These precious field workers don't often get to see the fruit of their harvest. Please pray for encouragement! 
  We are looking at doing two services for Steve, one in Virginia and another in Illinois. I will update here with all the details as we know them. You are all precious in my heart as we walk through this hard, yet blessed time. Love you.

Comments

  • Loutie Zerbo : Heather, Your walk of faith is a strong testimony of how believers should love and honor God. May the Holy Spirit comfort you and your family absolutely🙏🏿.
    6/24/21
  • Karen Surdynski : Heather, like always your faith shines through. We know that that’s the only way we can get through things like this knowing our love ones are in the arms of our precious Lord. Please keep us up-to-date when the memorial will be held in Illinois. We will be there! Love to you and the girls and all the friends and family. Love you Phil and Karen
    6/24/21
  • Jodi Schaefer Quinn : Hello Heather- I heard of Steve’s passing from Denise. I reached out to a fellow former Newman Center peer minister and she passed the word along. We are all praying for you and the girls.
    6/24/21
  • eileen candelaria : Beautiful, thank you Heather for your love, wisdom, and bold faith. Thank you for allowing God to use you during this time. We love you so much. You are captivating in every way, especially displaying the Love of our father.
    6/23/21
  • Laura Mustakas : You are a talented writer and have been an inspiration. Thank you for being faithful to do what God called you to do. Praying for your family as you navigate new territory.
    6/23/21
  • Elizabeth Duncan : Heather, I am Amy Sabats sister. She sent this to me. I criec reading your post. It actually was very comforting to me. I lost my husband last August to Covid after 18 days in the hospital. I pray for your comfort in the days ahead. The pain is still sometimes unbearable. I look forward to when there won't be anymore pain. Bless you and your family. I hope to meet you someday. ❤
    6/23/21
  • Kris Romer : Heather, you continue to minister to all of US in the most beautiful of ways! I will miss reading your posts as much as you will miss writing them. May you be blessed and comforted a hundred fold with that most wonderful peace of God which transcends all understanding. 2 Corintians 1:3-7 ~ 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. Continuing to pray for you and all of your family. Love, Kris
    6/23/21
  • janet matzker : “Precious is the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones.” Ps 116:15 So thankful we don’t have to grieve as those with no hope. May you and your family be comforted in the promise of eternity, the memories of fun times on this earth, and know the strong arms of Our Savior holding you during your grief. Hugs and prayers Dan and Janet Matzker
    6/23/21
  • Karen Heidorn : What you wrote about Steve’s passing reminded my of my dads passing when I was 16. Your Steve and my dad Jim are rejoicing in Heaven. My prayers are for you and your daughters. It is hard to say a final farewell to a parent at a young age.
    6/23/21
  • Laura Ruments : I just know my dad and Debbie and Steve are all having a party in heaven. they are all looking down on all of us saying...dont be sad. Everything is great up here.
    6/23/21
  • Sheila Embrey : God bless you Heather. The LORD has poured out much wisdom and grace on you through this journey and we are all blessed by you sharing with us. Steve was a very blessed man to have you by his side. Love you, sweet girlfriend!
    6/23/21
  • Tina Sellentin : Amen Dear Sister 💕 inspiration to all 🙏 my prayers to you and family
    6/23/21
  • Sandy Stein : You have a beautiful heart, my sweet friend, and are a real inspiration. Sending love and prayers.
    6/23/21
  • Natalie Pettegrew : "If the words from the Caring Bridge impacted you, carry them forward, they aren't mine, they are The Lord's." Such truth! I pray that you will continue to be the mouth-piece that God speaks through. Please keep us posted as to what platform you continue to write on!! We are praying for your whole family as you process this last month, and then your life with Steve, and then your future. It appears that you have an amazing community surrounding you.
    6/23/21
  • Patricia Ruments : Ever the encourager you are and have been. Thank you Heather for walking each of us though this time. I pray now for you, as all the after arrangements and decisions fall on you. It is sometimes such a bewildering time and things just pop up for months, what about this or that, who needs notification, etc. As Steve's dad used to say "And so on and so forth". You will not always feel up to the task, but you will get though it anyway...but God! Love you and your family...will miss this connection. Hope you will keep me in the loop for Adam and Riley. Have had Riley on my heart since we met her all those years ago at the lake house. A little chatter box who followed Courtnie around. Love you always...Patty
    6/23/21
  • Sharron Taft : Amen Heather Amen 🙏 love you
    6/23/21
  • Wanda Sabin : I am so proud of you my sweet one
    6/23/21
  • Suzi Overstreet : I absolutely love your heart, Heather. What an amazing testament of your faith and trust in our Jesus. Praise God. We continue to pray for you. <3
    6/23/21
  • Jan Marie : What an amazing picture you created of Steve, fully restored, in the arms of Jesus. May you find yourself comforted in those arms, as well. You continue to minister to us, and I believe Steve's and your journey will magnify faith beyond hope.
    6/23/21
  • Judy Eaddy : The dragon fly story is such a good illustration of our journey from life on this earth to heaven! I am praising God that Steve is now in our Lord's presence experiencing perfect joy and peace. Thank you for thinking about us during your time of grief and writing such inspiring and encouraging words. I am grateful for your ministry to me since we met that day in the ICU and we will continue to uphold you and your family in prayer throughout these next weeks and months.
    6/23/21
  • Patrice Smith : God is glorified in all this!!! Love and prayers as you and family continue on this journey.
    6/23/21
  • Linda Shanahan : Amen, God Bless you🤗
    6/23/21
  • Terri Fink : I concur with Nicole. Beautifully written Heather.💗🙏🏼
    6/23/21
  • Karen Mills Bailey : My sweet Heather. You inspire me and comfort me in your time of grief. You and Steve are/were such special, faithful servants of our Lord. Love to you, the girls and all of Steve’s family. I rejoice and grieve with you ❤️
    6/23/21
  • Nicole Horsch : So beautiful, Heather. I have no other words, just beautiful.
    6/23/21
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