June 6, 2021 Sunday evening.
I can't tell if I am having allergy stuff or a little cold, so I sent my sister Kirsten today and Steve Schnabel will go tomorrow and I should be good to go by Tuesday! Windy was his nurse again last night she reminds me of my "Aunt" Maggie. ❤️ The silly news is, Steve no longer has a goatee, it is so nice to see his sweet face yesterday. They are still waiting to do dialysis till tomorrow, but they are watching and will do later tonight if needed. Last night they came down another smidge on the BP med and Heart rate med and he remained strong. Windy said that he had a lot of wakefulness during the night, so they are trying a med to help him right his wake/sleep cycle. He was reacting to Kirsten, and also my family on face time and really reacted to listening to Teagan, my niece who was so chatty with him.
I took a few boxes out to my friend Kristy & Steve's house where Kaiti and I will be staying till Kaiti leaves for Grace College in Indiana (all of our house is going to Winchester to the new townhouse and we will be in and out, but Kristy's house will be closer to the hospital, church and Kaiti's work). We were able to relax for a few hours and get some vitamin D, rest, and blessed fellowship. It is hard to admit, but it was really hard to not do anything. No updating, no phones, no computer, no business, no packing, no cleaning. Just me, the beautiful sounds of nature, amazing views and thoughts...
It is in the stopping that the processing starts. So much to process. Graduation, Adam & Riley, Moving, Steve. So much to process. So many moving parts. Processing the grief of another day without Steve and yet at the same time celebrating each little step forward and stepping forward in faith and hope for Steve coming home and starting new adventures as empty nesters. I noticed the other day, Steve's respiratory therapist came in and we chatted a moment. I could tell that she couldn't see the victory. She was lovely to talk to, very good at her job, but something was missing. I've been there in ministry when I was worn, tired, dry and had nothing else to give because I had been operating in my own strength. I saw it in her because I recognized it in myself.
A person can't continue to minister to others with only their own selves as their power source, you soon come to the end of yourself and have nothing left. It is these dry times that many feel so distant from The Lord. For me, The Lord opened a door and I am so thankful that I walked through it a few years ago. I went through a time of renewal, a journey that I worked hard at shedding unforgiveness that I had, really recognizing my sins and repenting, and standing up and refusing to partner with lies about my identity that I had clung to since I was very young. In this time my relationship with The Lord grew deep as I sought after freedom so I could hear His voice above the sound of my own negative voice criticizing, receive His guidance, and really receive His love for me. I started to see the victory in others again and the victory for myself. I learned so much and am still learning daily about seeing the victory/the good/the God-given potential/purpose in every person we come across even when they can't see it themselves.
God doesn't send us bad things, but when bad things happen, when we turn to Him, He turns beauty from the ashes. In this hard time, I turn towards my Abba Father, I juggle the hard negative thoughts and decide to put them aside for His peace , trusting in Him. I choose to see the victory in Steve's life. I see evidence of victory every day, every hour sometimes in my life. Victory, for me, is peace and security in the journey, not about getting what I want as an end result. My focus has to be in the step by step, not in the long range. The long range is too much. Each time I turn to Him is victory. My very wise friend Julia said that The destination is going to be the destination, are we going to be whiney complainers dragged along in the journey, or are we going to be willing participants trusting God, having His peace and working with Him. (that was my interpretation, lol)
Please continue praying for all the doctors, nurses, techs, and therapists who work with patients. Pray that they would see past the seen medical stuff to hope and possibility in each person they are working with. Pray that they are encouraged in their spirit and renewed sense of mission. Pray for all the patients in beds 1-12, that they would be held, comforted, healed and that their families have people to support them and love on them and they have The Lord's peace filling them.
Comments
- Yvette PerriJohn 26:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Praising God for the little and big miracles plus now I'll be just 12 minutes from you for a little while...6/7/21
- Sharron TaftContinuing my prayers for Steve. I'm praying for all the strength our Lord can muster for you, my Heather. I know your tired and I know God will give you the strength to get through. I love you dear.6/6/21
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